My mistakes were for you. My regrets too.
Well , it hurts when your the one who is still there. You are there and am not. I wonder in my mind, recall another night. You were not in my other night. I like your face and smile, I like you. But your voice annoys me, and the way you say my name. You kiss so softly, and I hate it. You speak and always say this thing , the sound is stressing. I like you , your nice… I like your touch because its not fieist, I do like you. But everything is so numb…, I had the taste of another one. A better kiss, passionate. Desperate, but I dont feel the same way I do with you. Boy your kiss is weak , you make me leave. I need you to bite me. Please dont let me go.
Its perfectly normal to hate, I hate like I love. And I love like I hate. An instant I forgive and an instant I forget. I let them shout out my name and I let them say they what they say. I do not care for what you think, your mind is ignorant. You and I are not friends nor lovers. You and I dont know each other. Talk , please do. I belong in your words but to me your null. Id worry for what Ive heard but its you , its you. Your voice your words I talk about those boys that pretend to be men, inocent and loud. I think I stole your crowns. Give me a golden star Ive won over your hearts.
So fuck it.
The man , them men. They all act as if they were semi gods, here to choose upon angels to break their hearts. They act as if… as if they owned our hearts. My heart. He acted… out my love. He was both me and him. He would be nice and mean. He is a sweet heart , but hes ways make me miss. I miss him , he is and was and will be a lover. I like the way he pretends to be a gentelman but at the same time gets me crazy. I cant get mad because we are nothing, like air and dust… just passing by. You make me blush when in my mind and even smile when the sun is high. Friend not at all, a stranger at soul, but I know your body and I know your home. We know too much and nothing at all.
2 weeks ago - 
4
4
#DelRey
After all we all need love… even us with a flat broke down life, crazy little lover dolls and dilusional hopeless romantic.
They come and go…these blues I choke… but I thought I was having fun… I would call you up. You would pick me up. We´d go far, near…anywhere. We would kiss ,laugh have a little fun. But only at night. My sweet lover sight made me blind. I was a toy and as any other boy … he would grow out of this baby doll. I have them big eyes that crave your love. And sometimes I see glimpses of your heart. But then again …you end up gone. Am I mad to consider falling in love?
We follow the water.
Its filed with desire.
Running through a bloodline.
She cant get away,
Its becoming a madhouse,
shes going insane.
Feels like a lockdown darling.
Open my eyes to see.
-
She runs, she hides.
She finds no life, Shes blinded.
Her confrontation against a lie, she just wont let herself see.
She runs ,she hides, she finds no life.
Begging you to set me free.
-
Its a shadow,
Its attached to me, Its my disaire that I need to feed.
Am hungry for a bite of sin,
I become so violent.
Give me a reason lover,
Am I your only dream?
-
She runs, she hides.
She finds no life, Shes blinded.
Her confrontation against a lie, she just wont let herself see.
She runs ,she hides, she finds no life.
Begging you to set me free.
NO she didnt… She did , she called me a whore. I am starting to belive I am. Well maybe I am. No!, dont say that! Well we all want to hear that dont we. An affirmation of how beautiful we are. But I know what Ive done , I know what am getting in to and sadly I am addicted. So yes I take that I am a whore. Thank you , I surrender my love, because its gone. Shes not coming back no. Because I threw it. Well my tenderness , I guess my path is this one. I would turn back but now it seems once your a regret to a kinder eye your become a shame to any other sight. Good night, I will wake up with more hate than before. So if you like me today , tomorrow you wont.
Humming birds, I wish they knew how to sing to me.
I look at them and hum my tune, in hope for his return.
I miss you well , I miss you mine.
I miss you whole and all.
The birds guide me , through the woods .
I smell your safe, just away.
Drop with drop,
red liquid tear.
Your body cries.
But you stop any fear.
You smile beacause am here.
And a kiss is just our pact:
You and I , one in time. Time we remain is hand. Hand in hand. Love and light one is all ignite. Flame and soul , soul and wind. Birds sing our song. Heart in line, eyes in sight , stars will not spell our names. Because alive we remain.
Am a dead one , running through the hills,
Have your self a lovely warming meal.
Lay by the water save my soul you might.
Ive got problems , and a broken heart tonight.
Oh—-
follow shadows
,this is just a fight.
I love you never comes out right.
Oh—-
follow ghosts under a swing
I love you, go ahead and sing.
Teach me darling, how you stay up late.
I miss the smell of your delay.
Late as always, am warming up my cup.
Hey baby, I called you up last night.
Oh—-
follow shadows
,this is just a fight.
I love you never comes out right.
Oh—-
follow ghosts under a swing
I love you, go ahead and sing.
Sweet humming, comming from the sea.
You said youd never learn how to swim.
Keep chasing lonely lovers bones.
Your skinny and so it is your soul.
Oh—-
follow shadows
,this is just a fight.
I love you never comes out right.
Oh—-
follow ghosts under a swing
I love you, go ahead and sing.
If every teardrop was blood Id be dead,
I only ask for better days.
I ask for love and care. And all I get are people that dont share.
I am always the black sheep , an example of whats shame.
Never really cared but now I had to share. I did and then they betray me.
How can you say you love me? when you dont even like me.
You have no obligation , and I have nothing to say to you.
If I could run away , even alone… I used to hope for a lover to come along. But theres none , not one. So alone it is , my day dreams dont even fill in the gaps and emptyness inside me. Not anymore. I want to pack my cloth at least four shirts, get my glasses , walk out the door and leave. But how could I? how could I go missing like that, run away from all?… I wish I could but my heart is warm and roots are strong. I dont understand what is my heart holding on to. I really dont. Theres nothing to hold on to. If I could picture myself outside this place, today , right now… but I need to wait a year or so. Get out of this hell hole that I have to call home, its the house , its the people, its the city, and its the country. Ive never hated this much, but people keep on turning their backs. If am a whore , if am a saint… If ive killed a man. Its always something that Ive done , always a smile stolen from my soul. I cant laugh , I dont feel safe… and I cant love cus Its always the same. I would give up on my mental health but lack of that aswell.
I told a friend Id die today. I told her how and when. I told her that it would be the best , and I got up from my bed. I couldent even eat or sleep I had to stay awake . I was really thinking about my death. Would they cry? would the laugh? would they go on as if I was just gone? Lost like a pen , nothing big no mess. I have to go out , I would call up anyone lay in their bed , but I honestly doubt they would even lend a hand. I am waiting for a man , but its too soon to let him know am insane. To drag him in, to introduce him to demons and ghosts. How could I turn his peace into mess? I couldent , I have to remain happy… wait go slow. Even though I beg for external love. Thats my problem you see. I need it so much like morfin to keep me alive , that I give everything , give it all and hope someone will return a little as a smile to keep me warm.
Dramatical you say? well I am quite sensible and this is quite strange. I am confused is this actually sadness or just pain? Could my mistakes be my craving for a chase? Could my lies be truths instead and could my dreams become real for goodness sake.
1 month ago - 3
3The new is new,
its something grand
something true.
Nothing pulls
nothing moves.
Its yourself that dives in,
that craves the dream.
Hope is blank ,
just dive your military tank ,
into this light,
expect nothing tonight.
The satisfaction,
an understatement ,
A miscommunication.
I´m mad I get it.
What we see ,
what we are,
I dont get the stuff thats out.
Give me time,
and give me fire.
Keep me warm ,
and keep me within desire.
Love me not,
love me do.
I kill the birds that sing your tune.
The clouds spell my name.
I sleep to enjoy my crave.
Say ,
I dont know you,
say,
I dont own you,
say,
the smell of rain is not.
I kill birds that sing your tune.
Because I´m not sane I always knew.
The sweater that seems to lay there in the corner of my eye.
The tear that wants to crawl out and the crooket smile that cracks loud.
Ive never hated this tall tree, it gives shade, though its quite slim.
The sky is open to the rain but I refuse to chase this lane.
I wouldnt follow the path painted red , with lust and shame.
Id rather float in the shallow waters of goodbyes ,
or maybe lay by the shores of the lovers beach
where the waves crash to say hellos
and we find rocks as treats.
That sweater remains in my mind as I wait for the season to begin.
I preaper my shelter ,
as clearly I see the tourture nature soon to approach me.
